the beat brings me memories

  & I wonder when I was younger

  if I would ever find myself

  closer to an answer, some solace

  that would secure a bit of haven.

I scream myself to sleep,

  wearied, wounded, & ready

  for what my dreams might bring;

  hoping this time it might be a balm

  to soothe this restlessness.

20 years & I ask

  what has changed?

- January 29, 2011

.–.

20 years &

  this song starts me humming,

  the beat bringing memories

  of when I was younger & wondered

  if I would ever find myself closer

  to the answers or some slice of solace.

Tonight, I give myself to sleep

  a not-much-wiser man wearied, but ready,

  for the clues my dreams might bring;

  hoping that time might bring a balm

  to soothe my restlessness.

- Revised April 16, 2011

as i am heavy with the reflection

of what i am, what i seem of be;

as if this body might be the solution

of what you seek.

Will you look me over

for something more perfect?

the slight change of  light between now

and later. Of someone who lies

without knowing you?

will you lie beside me

as you exhale the breath that signals

your surrender?

will you choose

 to be beside me?

.–.

sit beside me

and weigh the nuances

of what i seem to be and what i am;

hold this body as if it might be the solution

to what we seek.

look me over

and let me show you the flaws,

the changes between then now & later.

or would you rather someone

who knows you not?

will you lie beside me

& exhale the breath that signals surrender,

realizing that i’ve been waiting?

-Revised April 16, 2011

my sight clear amongst the long shadows,

the path flat before me

& each step leads me further into the mysteries.

This commune builds the bridge

that will show what has already been determined

before i arrive.

8.28.10

my throat hoarse raw quivering

in an impotent attempt of understanding.

8.28.10

to the echoes

of what isn’t

said; what we don’t

share.

I’m looking for

passing shadows,

hidden meanings,

&  secrets kept

silent;  for your

gaze.

When I’m real still

it isn’t that

I’ve stopped feeling

the weight of  your

restlessness; I’m

scared.

I’m trying to

find where I fit

& when we will

start facing the

situation

now.

June 23, 2010

is it because you know

what it is that I lack

or do you share

the discomfort lying between

you and me – the tightness

that i so long to give up,

& feel the release

of being with you.

or is it the sweetness

of being with you-

if only for this moment-

before we have to pretend to be someone else again,

knowing that we will both look back.

03.05.10

running to you. I’m reaching for your safety

and up up up, I go;

again Daddy, again. 

The ground comes quickly & my breath stops

for fear you might not catch me,

but you always do; you do.

You hold me one-armed and close;

high enough to see around, you point out landmarks

then put me down.

My hand in yours, I wobble before I walk

but you steady me, guide me, walk behind me,

while I explore a world I don’t know.

You let go and, while I don’t look back, I know you’re there-

you’re always there, and I keep on going.

02.13.10

recalling

the things i meant to do

& remembering

the things i did, but don’t matter.

i shoulder the past,

wearing it like a patched-up jacket

to remind myself that life is passing.

01.16.2010

where we can listen to our breathing;

will it synchronize

until we share air

and become one

in a sense?

when you take my hand in yours

do you feel me

like I think I feel you?

will our lives wrap around each other

in a way that makes them indistinguishable;

will it make us more?

is this the way you feel when you are next to me,

when you say you understand me

when you look into my eyes & don’t flinch?

01.15.10

runs full free and unfettered,

where you unfold and we unite;

where time meets eternity,

suspends and turns in.

Allow me to illustrate all the little things

& how they lead me back to you;

the curve of your back,

the bow of your lips,

the softness you yield.

Our dance steps here, there, and back again;

you me you me you me you us

body to body, swaying together;

we spiral through a field of gold.

10.23.09